3:40 AM and just took a preg test....

I must be insane. Scratch that. I am insane. My monthly "gift" is now officially 2 weeks late, and yet, I have failed to produce a positive pregnancy test. For someone who has never ever had trouble getting pregnant, let alone staying pregnant, this is all new territory for me...but let me back up....

I had a miscarriage last July. The morning of the 20th dawned like all the rest of them, with one somewhat big exception. I saw blood. Not a lot, mind you, but enough to wonder. As the day progressed, the bleeding got worse...then came the cramps. Then came the popping noise, followed by a gush. My husband rushed me to the E.R., where I delivered a baby boy, 5 months too soon. They said the umbillical cord was in two, who knows if that was what caused the miscarriage, no one ever could tell us. All I knew was I had miscarried, 18 weeks into the pregnancy, and I felt like I let my husband down. Since we had gotten together, all he could talk about is me having a baby. He loves kids, and has been wanting another for about 7 years now. And here I was, miscarrying his hopes. We named our little baby Braden, and went home with a box of mementos from the hospital.

So that brings us to today. Almost a year later, and still no pregnancy. It must be karma, telling us one of 2 things. First off, it isn't what we want, it's all in due time...and secondly, maybe both of us should get our asses to the doctor and find out why two somewhat healthy 32 yr olds can't reproduce.

Just took another look at the pregnancy test. I want to see another line, and maybe since it's so early in the morning and I'm ridiculously tired I want to see what's not there. It's still negative though, no matter how I hold the test. Oh well, half the fun is in the trying ;)

first blog....

I warned my friends on Facebook I was going to do this, and I finally caved. So here I am, it's 9:30 pm EST almost, I'm enjoying some Pandora's 80's station and eating some frosting because there was no more chocolate left in the house. We need to go grocery shopping lol. So about me and this blog....I guess this blog thing will go day by day. I'm from a small town in New Mexico, and it's weird...no matter how far away I get from home, the more I yearn to go back. I'm living in Indiana right now, and I gotta say, I DEFINITELY prefer the weather back home. And the bugs. I've seen spiders the size of smart cars in our bathroom (which is a swamp, that reminds me I need to clean it). I'm on my second marriage and God willing this one will last longer than my last one, because I would be utterly devastated if my new husband ever wanted a divorce. I'll talk about him later. I have 3 girls, and one stepson. I love being a wife and mother, it is the most thankless job anyone in the world can have, pays for sh*t, but I wouldn't trade it for the world. I love it. LOVE it. I've got an uncanny way of making friends and bridging gaps, or so I've been told. I've got friends all around the world. Likewise I have made enemies as well. I can't make everyone happy. I have strong opinions, and luckily for the rest of you, I can't keep my big mouth shut. I guess that's pretty much it...for now.