I must be insane. Scratch that. I am insane. My monthly "gift" is now officially 2 weeks late, and yet, I have failed to produce a positive pregnancy test. For someone who has never ever had trouble getting pregnant, let alone staying pregnant, this is all new territory for me...but let me back up....
I had a miscarriage last July. The morning of the 20th dawned like all the rest of them, with one somewhat big exception. I saw blood. Not a lot, mind you, but enough to wonder. As the day progressed, the bleeding got worse...then came the cramps. Then came the popping noise, followed by a gush. My husband rushed me to the E.R., where I delivered a baby boy, 5 months too soon. They said the umbillical cord was in two, who knows if that was what caused the miscarriage, no one ever could tell us. All I knew was I had miscarried, 18 weeks into the pregnancy, and I felt like I let my husband down. Since we had gotten together, all he could talk about is me having a baby. He loves kids, and has been wanting another for about 7 years now. And here I was, miscarrying his hopes. We named our little baby Braden, and went home with a box of mementos from the hospital.
So that brings us to today. Almost a year later, and still no pregnancy. It must be karma, telling us one of 2 things. First off, it isn't what we want, it's all in due time...and secondly, maybe both of us should get our asses to the doctor and find out why two somewhat healthy 32 yr olds can't reproduce.
Just took another look at the pregnancy test. I want to see another line, and maybe since it's so early in the morning and I'm ridiculously tired I want to see what's not there. It's still negative though, no matter how I hold the test. Oh well, half the fun is in the trying ;)
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