I've been called a lot of things in my lifetime. About 3/4ths of the names I've been called have been to destroy my sense of self, and my self esteem. Unfortunately, for me, at the time when I was called these not so nice names, it did have a profound effect on who I thought I was. Those names and labels stuck with me throughout school, and sadly, through most of my 20's as well.
Then, the most amazing thing happened. And it happened at a time when I was at my lowest. I had just separated from the lovely Bob (refer to the deadbeat blog to know more about dear ol' Bob) and started up an account on Facebook. Long story short, I met several people who helped me rediscover who I really was, at my core. They helped me along through the toughest days I have ever had to go though. With their care and their encouraging words, they showed me that it was not only perfectly ok to be who I am, that I should tap into my inner strength and really let the world see who I am. I was scared to do this, because my family has always told me that the way I act and the words I say make me look bad. And the marriage to Bob didn't help matters either, because my personality was thoroughly squelched by Bob and his mother, the Kraken. (doesn't that movie Clash of the Titans now have more meaning to you now you know who played the Kraken?) But I digress. Anyway, I found the strength I had inside of me, and started to shine on Facebook. Those names and labels started to fade, and I started to not only enjoy life, but found humor in every situation, and the silver lining in everything.
Some of the stigmas still were there, and I still doubted myself and still had a pretty bad self image. Then someone came into my life and helped me shine all the brighter. It was an unlikely place to find someone, let alone my soul mate. I was playing a game on Facebook called Yoville. One of my favorite things to do on that game was to make my little avatar slide back and forth on the street. It was funny, and because not everyone could do it (you had to know a certain sequence to get your avatar to do it) I usually got a lot of people to talk to me. As if they could ignore me, I found people who were saying cocky or absurd things, and then proceed to completely destroy them. Hey it was fun. Anyway, there was this avatar in the corner of the screen, dressed in all black, and his screen name was Jasonz1978. I saw the 1978 part and typed HEY JASONZ1978, was that the year you were born or the year you graduated?! The reply back was...UHHH..the year I was born lol. The rest, as they say, is history. I ended up falling for this mysterious man in black, and found what I had been searching for my entire life. Jason has shown me that there is nothing wrong with me, nothing wrong with who I am, and has helped me fully embrace who I truly am. He gave me a confidence I have NEVER had. He accepts and adores everything that I am. Likewise I accept and adore everything he is. He is the male version of me, only he's 6'4, and a little smellier than I am some days :)
So who am I? I am honest. I am loyal. I say what I say and make no apologies for it. I am fierce. I will pounce on your lies or conceit, and proceed to rip you apart, until you realize you were wrong to ever open your mouth in the first place. I am, regardless of what anyone thinks, STRONG. You can say what you will, but in the end, I will have MY say. And what I say will win out. I am without measure. I care deeply for my friends, and will be there for them whenever they need me. I am a good listener, and if you want my opinion on situations in your life that get you down, I will share them with you, and hopefully help you out. If you just need a listening ear I'm there for that, too. I am unique and, fortunately for the rest of the world, there is only one me. I have a sense of humor that either you get it or you don't, it's up to you. I am sarcastic. I can seem cynical, negative, and even mean. I am not negative, I'm realistic. And if I seem mean, it's only because my honesty has offended you in some way. I do have my weaknesses and they do get me down, but I have such great friends and a wonderful family that those days are short lived and the humor returns almost as quickly as it left. I welcome everyone's opinions, because that's what makes the world go round.
So that's me. Take it or leave it, it's up to you :)
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